Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Tape for sale, cut up

Need to get rid of that horrible ring in yer snayer drum? Well, these guys are selling a product that may be said to be the answer:

As the man said, that drum sounds awesome. If using one of these patent-pending, ah, pieces of tape that has been “used several times”[???] sounds THAT GOOD, take a moment and imagine what one of these pristine new ones must sound like:

Mmm! Oh yes. Now, before you say “Hey, I know how to put tape on my drum, if I ever want to muffle it, which I don't. And that just doesn't look like much of a product to me, I'm sorry.”, let's look at the science. From the manufacturer's website:

Therefore, you should buy this product. You can't disprove science.

And this is NOT some skeevy, fly-by-night operation, cutting up pieces of industrial tape, probably pilfered from someone's day job, and selling them at an unconscionable markup, so stop thinking that. In the first place, there's no markup when you steal your raw materials, idiots. But one look at the awesome resources they have poured into packaging their product should put any such doubts to rest:

That's what you get for 90 bucks DID I MENTION THE FREE SHIPPING?! !!! !!! Look at this monkey:

Don't think about the $90. 

And to show you what kind of razor-thin profit margin they're operating on: if you are stupid enough to buy one set, they'll sell you a second set for only $50— surely sacrificing all of the profit they earned with the first set, several times over. Really, they should be considered to be a charity, rather than a profit-making business in the traditional sense. Almost a holy thing, if you think about it. Not buying this product is like crapping on a monk.

So, yeah... some product... that's how my brain works on my first cup of coffee...

[h/t to Bull @ Drummerworld]


Jon McCaslin said...

Greatest blog post ever! haha

Jon McCaslin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chuck said...

Psychoacoustics! Can't get THAT kind of physics with plain old tape. Hah.

Anonymous said...

Holy mother of all that is good, that is surely the greatest stuff a drummer has ever needed! I don't see how anyone could do without this stuff. Take you from a mediocre, overtone ringing drummer, to a muffled drum god.

Anonymous said...

According to the promo vid, they work JUST AS WELL ON THE TOMS. What are you waiting for???